The nothingness of mind

Boundaries have always seemed absurd to me. Why do we focus so much of our energy on dividing and making things small? The boundary of races; the boundary of religion; the boundary of preferences. I don’t know why it makes sense to other people. It never to me. Life is a beautiful piece of art: Fluid but also somewhat structured.

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Mixed reactions of dream coming true!

And, here I am after 2 years. I started writing a book at the same time I started writing this blog. I was having jimjams. It was so exciting. Never thought I would ever write even though writing has been my dream for as long as I can remember. I never told anyone. I was hesitant and embarrassed and thought people would love in my face. Blogging gave me confidence. Seeing all the bloggers, from around the world I got motivated to continue writing and I found writing to be liberating. Now, I have finally finished my book. It is a covernovella. I would write a novel, but it already took me two years. A novel would take me at least 5 more years and I didn’t want to turn into a garbage. Besides, I have a new idea of which I cannot wait to start writing. I have self-published it on Kindle. It has been less than a week. I know I am no J. K. Rowling but it is enough for now. The fact is, for a girl who was hesitant to say “I love writing,” it is more than enough. Now I don’t know if it will be a hit or not, I do know this… it’s a milestone, from which I cannot go back and I won’t. My finals are knocking at the door. I have always been a good student. Or, at least, in the university. And, now I am not even bothered. Nothing seems to matter to me anymore. I have finally done what I have loved for the most of my life. This book might be good or it is a complete piece of shit I don’t know. But my brother says, “Shit is better than nothing!”

I would love some reviews though if it is no trouble. Currently, it is on free promotion.

here is the link: S. M. Afrin – White Heart

Am I pretty?

Have you ever stood in front of the mirror wondering if you look better than other girls or not? I bet you have. In fact, most of us have. There’s no shame in it. It is worse in teen years. We spend most of our time wondering if that certain girl from class or work look better than us. Speaking of which, I have noticed a strange behavioral pattern in South Asian people in YouTube. Most of them really care about what the rest of the world thinks of them. I know their culture is the shame culture, but this is not it.

Be that as it may, I used to care about my appearance so much that it would take me an hour to get ready before going out to buy some onions. People would keep staring and stuff. I won’t lie by saying that I didn’t enjoy it for a while. Then a phone company took my photo as a part of their advertisement. There were giant billboards all over the city with my face on. People gave hundred kinds of reactions. But I? I didn’t feel any different. I didn’t get that feeling of achievement and I realized how I was wasting my energies on all the wrong things. I was like, “Ok people it has been established that I am not bad looking. I’m not wasting any more of my time in this silly race.”

I am a person with thousands of possibilities ahead

A few days later, I was watching a travel channel and I realized how much I didn’t know nor seen. From there, my thirst for knowledge began. I read everything I could get my hands on. I learned Morse code just for the sake of it. After finishing something, I get this feeling which I cannot quite express. It is like a breath of fresh air. It is quite liberating.

The more I faced obstacles as a girl, the more I studied. The more I was seen as a silly person by my male friends, the more I worked hard without being a showoff about it. The funny thing is, those male friends are not as close anymore as they used to be. They preferred being around silly girls which made them feel intelligent. It is silly, I know. But it also told me that I should change the crowd.

The curiosity of knowledge can be very addictive. Now when I talk about moving out of the city or even country alone, some people tell me, “It’s a big scary world for one girl.” And, I smile at them saying, “Girl? I left that contest a long ago. I am a person with thousands of possibilities ahead.”